11:18 pm
Saturday, 30 May 2009
when i'm stressed..
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when i'm stressed...

..i get exhiliratingly happy... then drop to a low.
..i cry.
..i make very unladylike ugly noises.
..i strir up weird thoughts in my head.
..i need to feel like i know things although i don't know anything (someone crushed that today..)
..i write a blog post. (be it in draft form or for the public to see)
..i get migraines.
..i just want to sleep 24 hours of the time.
..i say things i don't mean.
..i hurt people..
..i make myself more stress by doing unneccasry things like blogging right now. i've already minused 5 minutes writing this post.
..i become very .. "ticky"
..i feel like i can't breathe sometimes. feel like someone's sitting on my chest when i wake up..
..i have dreams .. that make me wake up and wish i was still in the dream..
..i feel the need for someone to save me.

conclusion is, stress sucks.
big time.
4:57 pm
Thursday, 28 May 2009
i want..
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i want..

-situated at MidValley-

Manhattan Fish Market..


bring me there pleease....

8:33 pm
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
shhh.. shadup nerves
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please please please exam go smoothly
bouts of panic attack coming on & on & on.
miss having someone beside me to study with me..
taking the stress on my own is NO fun at all..
nerves be steady
6:42 pm
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
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Nana.. & Nana.
Two persons with the same name
but total opposites.
Rocker chic * Cute puppy.
Strong * Frail.
Super cool * Super kawaii!!
Wants to be a singer * Wants to be a happy wife.
Longs for fame * Longs for love.
Two so different..
so different in person, dreams, goals, aspirations.
But one in heart..

after a month of waiting, the Nana issue 84 is out!

(okok .. i will get my nose back to the dreaded notes after this... =.=)
10:59 am
Saturday, 23 May 2009
i just want to pass...
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just got bak from Antrim yesterday for Haematology posting.
one word..
and i have lost interest in ..anything basically.
its great how my smile can camouflage.
The battle wil be spanning from june 1 to june 10..
10 days of horror..

think i'm going to vomit..
7:23 pm
Friday, 22 May 2009
dear heart
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dear heart..
feelings will bother you no further..
u shall be kept locked away for a while.
i shall not provoke you anymore,
you shall cry no more,
you shall be lost no more.
for now, you will know your true priorities,and focus on the prize.
Focus on getting through this hurdle, and by summer, you are free.
Oh dear weak heart,
just be patient..

10:57 am
Saturday, 16 May 2009
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All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go..
1:40 pm
Thursday, 14 May 2009
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Back from derry dy!!

Suppose to go to some far far clinic today,(Omagh) but i skipped anyway.. tried my very best to get my case, my log sheet and attendance and everything signed by yesterday.. and i must say, i have never felt so thick-skinned and driven after yesterday!! was stuck in clinic from 9am to 5pm. afternoon suposedly is "Queen's afternoon" or Sports day . which means Wednesdays afternoons shouldn't have teachings and should go to the gym! (seriousss) since yesterday afternoon all of us were off, i persisted to go to the outpatients clinic.. (i just needed one signature!! th optometrist won't sign for me..geram!) the nurses were looking at me weirdly, asking why am i here, cos no schedules for students.. and Dr Mulholland, who looked really busy that time, said it was a retina clinic, so its very specialised and super alot of people! very busy clinic oh, can see every possible chair in the outpatients filled with eye patients.. so he dumped me into Eye Casualty... and at the end of the day, got my signature! but she wouldn't sign for my attendance.. cos she just an SHO... so i had to hunt for Dr Mulholland again. lucky he was kind enough to sign it.. if not, i would have to go to a faraway place again today!! rushed to pack my stuff, return accomodation key and catch the bus at 6pm. phew.. i realise though i HATE sitting long bus rides dy... felt so nauseous and headachy during the journey.. lucky it was 2 hours only.
good points of derry:-

1) derry's accomodation quite nice, room quite small, but very clean and neat! and new! (aiya i didnt take picture of the room) and got alot of mirrors in the room wan.. on the study table, right opposite it is a super big mirror as big as LD wide screen tv. walau.. while studying, its like can see my reflection truout the night.. dam weird.. n distracting (hoohoo) had to cover it with towel aft tat. and there's a long mirror too in the closet, and another mirror above the sink. the room designer must be quite SS too =p

2) and i found pseudoSlurpeee in the tesco nearby! tesco there is massive, but i just rushed there to get essential stuff then balik. on the way there got a very nice tunnel though, full of beautiful grafiti and murals... felt wasted cos didnt bring camera with me.. oh well.

3) got to study ABIT more than usual.. though still not fast enough. shit! i dam scared going to pee in my pants edi!! exam soon dy... roar... i just want to pass, always get this feeling of impending doom when exams draw closer.. but there will be abit of time to study between the papers..(more like flip tru) though exam from june 1 to june 10, got 1 clinical paper, then 2 patho paper and 2 days of OSCE ( have to cover EVERYTHING) .. but its quite spread out.. lesss stress kuaaa.....

4) bluff me.. not scary also the place. a senior and my housemates were scaring me, sayingg the place is haunted and stuff, and they hear... stuff. and the corridor very long.. turns out ok wat.. i staying at the end of the long corridor some more. but 1am went to toilet to pee also no problem. i think i quite immune to scary "ghost" stuff.. am always in a hunt for good horror movies too.. the scarier the better. will feel syok after that. hehe. am i weird? =.=

feeling of coming bak home is the nicest warmest feeling... had a parcel from my family, card from angel, and gift from my lovely friends (thank you sooleng,aiman,saumeng,wyjin,sukjiun..) i wil use it wel. hahaha! and i received my MSK case report assessment!! so proud for my feedback (beambeambeam*) i thought i simply did the report only lorr... that one truly shoot my mood up! jumping up n down like a lil girl. hehe.
thankyou to my lovely housemates as well.. had a mini surprise that exploded with hapiness...
i thought my birthday over dy?? =.= hehe.will update pics n stuff one day lar..

sorry for the random ramblings... feel like grandma now. =p
2:30 pm
Sunday, 10 May 2009
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Departing for Derry in 3 hours time..
Derry, that's where i'll stay for my 1 week of Opthalmology posting.
sob.. don't feel like going at all..
i guess the upside of it is,
no distractions..
no internet..
will spend my birthday there with peace & quiet.
(have to get work done.. must must!)

so.. i'll just wish myself officially on my blog for the first time..
Happy 22nd Caryn!
(hehe..syok sendiri-nyerrr..)

7:18 pm
Thursday, 7 May 2009
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